MEET THE CHARACTERS part one

I don't know what the f**k kind of books you like and I really don't care. This is my story. So sit down and shut up.

JACK: The anti-protagonist and unreliable narrator of Jack's Inferno, hence the name. He's dead. He's in Hell. Beyond that, nothing special. He's not a cop or a soldier or a private detective. He's not a wizard or a superhero or a vampire or a f**king half-vampire that hunts other vampires. He doesn't save the world. Ever. And if you asked him to you'd get a beer bottle thrown at you. He only has three powers to speak of: luck, sarcasm, and an amazingly high threshold for binge drinking. Random quote: "You're insane and I hate you."

COALBURNER: aka Coal, aka CB, aka Coleridge B. Turner, aka Pigf**ker. A trucker and a sinister hick. He carries a sawed-off shotgun and a bottle of bourbon wherever he goes. He's got a twisted sense of humor and some strange ideas about religion. There's a plastic Judas figurine on his dashboard, if that gives you any idea. He carries a bible, but not the one you're thinking of. Not the Good book. Different bible. Oh yeah, he's also a cannibal. Random quote: "C'mon, sweet Judas, don't you sell me on the cross today!"

FRANCIS: A rich prick with a mansion in Limbo and a talking luxuary sedan named Sheila. Clean cut, well dressed, and not a care in the world. His hobbies include dressing up like a goat and sacrificing people to Moloch. Random quote: "Oh, nothing. You just look poor, is all. You smell poor, too."