Saturday, January 16, 2010

Excerpts from Jack's Inferno Volume One

And because I'm such a nice f**king guy, I even censored it for you. Now when your f**king kids read it they can make up constellations out of all the little stars in the f-words.

***from chapter 2: Unholy Roller***
We're getting closer to the pit. A dust storm kicks up around us. I can't even see through the windshield. I look over at Coal. He's pouring a glass of bourbon, altogether unconcerned with the hazards of the road.

"Maybe we should pull over until the storm clears," I say to the driver.

"Maybe you should shut the f**k up. Here, drink this." He hands me the glass of bourbon and starts drinking the rest straight from the bottle.

F**k it. Bottoms up. No point in not being drunk for this.


***from chapter 3: Dead Man River***
It's barely audible. Just two words. Phobus hisses them under his breath. "Get out."

I look over at the trucker to guage his reaction. He just shrugs.

"I'm going to destroy you now," the boatman tells us. "Both of you. I'm going to feed your lifeless mutilated souls to the great river Acheron. Your eternal suffering will bring me great pleasure. Remember this day, now and forever. You shall curse my name until the end of time."

I turn to Coal and say, "Is this guy f**king serious?"

Phobus screams, "I said get out of my f**king boat!" He thrusts his arm towards the sky in a berserker fury as coiled lightning bolts burst forth from his stun baton. It's like seeing a disgruntled riot cop weilding the hammer of God. Oh shit, is he mad? He's mad isn't he?

Deimus follows suit and whips out his own stun baton. He begins shrieking and howling like a rabid baboon. A mildly-retarded rabid baboon. With a 50,000 volt stick.

Coal catches a blow to the chest that explodes into a shower of glowing blue sparks. "Ah, goddamn!" is his natural response. While picking himself up he adds, "Where's my goddamn truck, you dick!? I ain't leaving without it!"

"Foolish hillbilly! It's been eviscerated and sold as spare parts! You shall share its fate! Prepare to--"

Shotgun blast drowns out the rest of the speech. First shot launches Phobus back-flipping into the river. Second barrel drops Deimus in the pitch black water with his brother. Although I have to admit his hey man, I just work here hands-up surrender was priceless. Didn't win him any mercy though.

Coalburner's a lot more resourceful than I give him credit for. Sawed-off shotgun stashed under the coat (I thought it was odd he was wearing a coat in Hell). That trick never gets old. We have officially commandeered this vessel.

"Nice shot, captain," I say.

"No need to thank me for saving your life back there, hoss. You just swab the deck an' we'll call it even."

"We're already dead, you dumb bastard. You didn't save shit."

"F**k you, Jack."

***
So there you go. Jack's Inferno. Top ten finalist in the Fresh Blood manuscript contest. Vote here. http://chizine.com/freshblood/jacks-inferno-first-chapter.htm
Get me published. Don't be a dick. Check back here for further updates.

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